Virgin Radio's Christian O'Connell.

So, Melissa streams Virgin Radio on her laptop during the day, and we sort of half listen to it while we work. Well, there is a morning show (breakfast show) by a rather brilliant guy named Christian O'Connell, and whenever they have a celebrity on the line, they play this “Ahooogah” sound effect siren that remotely resembles the start of our incoming alarm. Very remotely. And only if the volume is low. But I commented on it yesterday, telling Melissa I really hate that alarm because it makes me think I should be hitting the deck to avoid certain death. Actually, a lot of sounds make me think that. For instance on that same day, Melissa had her volume up on her laptop, listening to Virgin Radio, and I kept on hearing a sort of bell-like noise that made me think that either (a) my ears were ringing, (b) the incoming alarm was sounding in a distant part of the base, or (c) there was a major issue confronting the soldier character in the XBOX game being played on the other side of our thin walls. But, alas, it was none of those things; it was Melissa’s instant message incoming sound. I could hear the joking now: Melissa receives an instant message, and Nancy dives under her desk, cowering.

Anyway, so, after I commented to Melissa about my extreme dislike of the Virgin Radio celebrity “Ahooogah” sound effect (the real reason simply being that is extremely annoying), she wrote Christian an email to tell him about it. We don’t have the outgoing message, but it went something like this: “Dear Christian, we listen to your show from Baghdad, and we noticed that your “Who’s Calling Christian” alarm sounds an awful lot like the “incoming” warning alarm here (incoming” referring to bullets, mortars, rockets, or anything else the enemy is trying to kill us with). So, every time someone calls your show, my colleague Nancy hits the deck thinking someone is trying to blow her up. She’s getting very mad at me for listening to your show, so perhaps you could find a new sound effect.”

That was yesterday. Well, this morning, Melissa was listening to the radio again when, suddenly, Christian started READING HER EMAIL. We freaked out as he read the whole thing and then said he would look for something new. So, of course, Melissa promptly called the show. And she actually got through! So, she introduced herself, live from Baghdad, and talked to Christian for a moment, then handed me the phone. I had no idea they (we) were live on the air. When I got on, he played the sound effect, and I obliged him by screaming and then banging the phone on the desk as if I’d hit the deck. Melissa got back on the line and let him know that I was cowering under my desk and was very distraught. Hilarious.

Christian’s entire morning show was about sound effects, and he is even holding a contest to pick a new one. It seems Melissa had provided Christian with all the fodder he needed for an entire show. Throughout the day, he kept playing the alarm and telling his listeners about those of us in Baghdad who are hitting the deck (all two of us who are actually listening in Baghdad). My suggestion for Christian's new sound effect was the “fix bayonets” bugle music, which I loudly performed in the background while Melissa talked to him on the phone. I didn’t know that his intent in getting me on the phone was to record me performing the sound effect so he could play it every time they had a celeb on the line. Dang. I would have done it if I’d known. Oh well. Apparently, they are going to send us a bunch of swag for being on the air with them. BopbadaBAAH, bop badaBAH! Bop badabopba, bop badabopba, bop badabababa! Bop bada ba ba ba ba BA!

UPDATE: I have sent Christian the following message, in hopes that he might start using the sound bite I thought of last night:

Dear Christian,

I am Melissa's colleague in Iraq, the one who greatly dislikes your Ahoooogah! celebrity-on-the-line alarm. Rather than juts complain about how it sounds like our "incoming" alarm, I figured I'd send along a possible solution for you to consider.

I rather like Maury Ballstein's "bopbadaba, badabahbahbahbaaaaaaah" from the movie Zoolander. It might work for your showgram.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Cheers,

Nancy (In Iraq)

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